Series: Parenting Preteens and Teens

How to get on their level

I’m going to guess that it isn’t typical that a favorite past time of an average Muslim family is to go to Hmart together…yet, part of the secret to successful parenting is doing the unexpected by being creative and thinking out of the box.

​From Kids to Teens

Motherhood is tricky business. Especially preteens and teens. That I know too well. The thing is, successful parenting with teens doesn’t start when they turn teens. It starts much younger. This post is mostly about how my daughters and I were able to forge a close relationship over Korean food. Yes, something Hmart and Paris Baguette saved my life as a mother. What? Well, indirectly…. You see, Korean culture and food is what my kids grew to love, so I loved it back with them. Yes, all things are Allah’s plan, but waiting on God to help us, with no action taken on our own, is not how we will reach our children. We must do our part if we want well for our children in the long run. I know I did and I am grateful for being creative and not giving up, as I see my children grown now. I want to share our story, so you can hopefully share in the same success or better I have experienced,insh’Allah. That’s all it takes. One parent showing interest in what their child is interested in and exploring it with them. We too often underestimate this grand opportunity. Yes, they may like some things that you don’t want them to or that go against your beliefs. But here’s the thing… If you go around lecturing them and shouting it really doesn’t work. I have tons of friends who have tried. Welcome to this day and age. We have to be way  more creative. What I would say is take the less obvious approach. Befriend them, enjoy with them,then slowly advise them. They will listen if you do it right.It does wonders I promise. It’s how I got my teens to stop some things that worried me and then built a long lasting tradition that has kept us close.

Flashback

I have always taught my children to not limit their sights on what was familiar to them and to be open to new things. I often gently nudged them aware from popular American culture as I wanted them to see and experience not just this culture, but the whole world that was at their feet. They really took me seriously. In fourth and sixth grade I noticed that my children were becoming influenced by some friends and trends that had me concerned. What’s a mom to do? It was then that I decided that unless I offered my daughters more they would fall into the typically teen drama and all that followed. Since my girls were young the foodie in me wanted them to explore food world wide. I knew they loved to try new things too and decided to use this to all of our advantage. On the way home from school I would intentionally drive past different ethnic neighborhoods and spend an hour or so exploring their neighborhoods. Eventually, my daughters became busy with being immersed into the Korean scene and all of the Kpop and Korean dramas that followed with it. I knew that part of my role was to keep reminding them of our ethics and to help them make decisions on their own based on reflection and consideration. Both girls eventually decided to simultaneously study both Chinese and Korean from an amazing Korean teacher we found that grew up in China. Needless to say, they kept delving into language, food and stationary, eventually pulling back on the Kpop.  Alhamdullilah.

And as they continued to eat their way through Korea Town they had less and less time for other more destructive that used to concern me. They were so busy now learning a new culture, language and cuisine that they had no time for much else after school work. I continued to encourage them to use their new found language skills to get them deeper into the Korean food scene. They took lessons one to two days a week and we would go out at least once a month, or more when we could, so they could try new foods and their speaking skills on the waitresses.

Besides, what better way than to eat our way through the Korean cuisine. The foodie in me was ok with it too. Eventually, the cuisine grew on us and we saw that it would be expensive to continue our gallivanting across every Korean coffee shop and BBQ joint we could stomach. Korean side dishes called banchan Haemul Jeongol (Spicy Seafood Hot Pot) Then one day, because we are that corny, our dreams came true and we stumbled upon Hmart. I had been speaking to a Chinese colleague of mine and had mentioned wishing to find where I could buy Korean products. I could see that my girls were old enough to start cooking some of the foods they enjoyed at home, but I honestly didn’t know where to get what they needed. My colleague was a world traveler and had a pretty strong opinion about food. I knew what ever she suggested would be good. As soon as the word Korean groceries came out of my mouth, she instantly began raving about Hmart, the quality and freshness of their products. My daughters and I headed there that weekend and the rest is history.

Fast forward

Today my girls are either married or in college and yet they have grown no less fond of Korean food, or Hmart for that matter. Just this week, I tried to casually step out of the house for a couple items. Needless to say, the minute they caught wind of me heading to get Korean items, I was told to give them 20 minutes so they could get ready to join me. Apparently, I had no choice but to bring them! It’s ok, it’s actually pretty nostalgic for us all. The seafood and produce is AMAZING and it’s secretly a way for me to keep a piece of their childhood alive.

Lesson: Befriend them sincerely

Motherhood, especially if raising teens, is difficult, but not impossible. It just requires some creative innovation and patience to keep our teens out of trouble and staying productive. Being creative also gives us an opportunity to enjoy our children, rather than to find them a burden. Being mindful of how we approach our children and their interests is a great start. What is your child interested in? Do you enjoy it with them? If we don’t spend time discussing what interests them well then….they aren’t going to discuss much with us at all. What? You thought your shouts from the kitchen of “how was school today” or “did you do your homework?” were engaging discussions for them? If you don’t spend time with them when things are good truth is they won’t hear us or take our advice when things are bad.

Golden rule: If you are going to take a habit or experience from a child replace it with something better. Don’t just say it’s not allowed or haram.

Kids need to feel they have something too. They naturally compare themselves to others. Also, they need help to learn how to steer away from potentially unhealthy life choices and choose other ones. We sometimes need that training as adults too! Once you have helped them get away from a bad action or habit, encourage them and help them to get a new one. Then….show interest in it and enjoy it with them. This is what saved my kids’ lives. It saved them form themselves and what could have potentially distracted them from a healthy lifestyle and their full potential.

Comment

• What is your experience with your preteens or teens?

Also, let us know if you visited HMART or Paris Baguette and what food you liked! Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for the latest updates! Oh…and in case you are curious… Sneak Peak Curious about what we love about shopping at HMART? As a health conscious family we love many things… Here’s a look at what you might fine there: Top quality produce…prices reflect what you get. Black Kale or Dinosaur kale Beautiful Korean Pears An assortment of ice creams…some very interesting corn and mochi flavors are our favorites Every kind of ramen you would ever want to eat Tons of snacks you have never tried…although I have to say whether they are spicy or not they all end up being slightly sweet…interesting. Every fermented food you could find under the sun….awesome for gut health! And of course kimchi! There are all kinds and levels of fermentation. Obviously, there is much more than this, but these are just some highlights of our most recent trip. We usually spend no less than 45 minutes at a time there drooling and debating over what to put in our cart, then planning what we will cook together first.

Paris Baguette

Another place we have bonded over for years is Paris Baguette. If all that shopping makes you hungry, and you’re craving a sweet treat, stop by a Paris Baguette, which is no doubt nearby. We made it a regular occurrence. Hmart and Paris Baguette , a famous Korean/French bakery in Korea, are like first cousins, as they are usually situated in the same neighborhood. If you find one the other is usually inevitable. Take a look at these beauties…who could resist? They also have a nice sitting area to hang out and do some work or chat with a friend. We’ve spent tons of time there talking and enjoying together. This pic is of the ceiling. It was so cute I had to snap a photo. If you are feeling adventurous I suggest you get a little out of your comfort zone and explore this amazing supermarket. If you are not too sure about how to cook Korean food I would suggest checking out our favorite Youtube celebrity Maangchi. She’s got you covered. Her dishes are simple, authentic and delicious.We’ve spent countless hours cooking her recipes together.