Meditation - Mindful-Muslimah

Meditation

How to Have a Growth Mindset & Why You Need One

You might have heard the words “Growth Mindset” in the past because it is an integral part of a long-lasting marriage. However, it is also applicable for young women who were trying to become successful or just getting married then this topic is for you. If you were wondering what this “Growth Mindset” is all about, it came from a famous psychologist named Carol Dweck. Now, if you were also wondering of what growth mindset means, then it is exactly what it sounds. It is the tendency to believe in yourself that you can grow. Just like what is written in her book, mindset basically explains why a fixed mindset is a character, intelligence, and creative ability are the assets that we cannot change in any way. Just like you are always saying “I am not good in this and that” it is something that you are conditioned to think and you are acting on that which is basically not true. If you believe that people can’t do things or are either born more skilled at it or not, then that is the fixed mindset. This person believes that the way we do and cannot do things is limited. This is where the growth mindset will come to the rescue because it challenges the old mindset into a whole new dimension. Let us tackle this further, so how can growth mindset REALLY help you, especially if you believe or have always been taught that your innate qualities/skills are carved in stone? I mean you have proved to yourself over and over that because you have a certain amount of intelligence, personality or moral character that that is who and how you are. Right? Not really. Having such fixed mindset can NEGATIVELY IMPACT all of the aspects of your life. Carol Dweck even goes on to say that she had seen a lot of people who have this goal of proving themselves to parents, society, and etc. Every situation calls for confirmation of their intelligence, personality, or character that’s why every situation is evaluated. Yet, the growth mindset is based on the belief that is your basic qualities can be cultivated with your efforts. All of the people may differ in terms of their talents, attitudes, interests, temperaments, but everyone can change when it comes to application and experience can be really life-changing. All these things will help you understand how POWERFUL you are and will help you realize that you are in control more than you realize. Sometimes you just condition yourself that you are stuck in whatever you are, but once you understood this your life can totally change for the better, insh’Allah. Today, I will give you a top 10 comprehensive list of how you can get this mindset. Side note: For those looking, this will help you better identify a potential spouse and better chances at a more powerful marriage. · Embrace your imperfections – think of your weak points and acknowledge them because once you get to know them you can start to understand where to begin and how to start because when you start avoiding things and the things that we feel bad about things will just get worse hence just start realizing what they are so that you can address them. · View challenges as opportunities – this is very important because having a growth mindset is relishing for self-improvement. You see whenever you view a challenge in front of you, and you might think that you will never get around it, but instead you will say that I still haven’t gotten around that only because I haven’t figured out the best way to solve that certain problem. Having this type of attitude will change your entire perspective on problem-solving. Many multi-million-dollar companies that we are all aware of like Facebook, Amazon, Google, Apple, etc., have achieved what they have because of having and training their employees on this growth mindset. In fact, having such a mindset is the primary reason why I rarely get stuck on any certain problem. · Try different learning tactics – something that worked for one person may not work for you, and that’s totally fine. That is why you must open your mind because there are multiple ways to do different things. · Follow the research on brain plasticity – it is the way that thinking can actually change your health. This is actually true, just search it on Google. Type the keywords “neuro mapping”. You will be blown away by the research. It not only proves that the brain is NOT fixed, but it shows that we can phsyically change by just using our mind and reshaping our thinking. · Replace the word “failing” with the word “learning” – using the term “failing” means that you are in a permanent failure and your chances are over. On the other hand, if you are “learning”, then you are in the middle of doing, so if you made a mistake or you fell short on a goal then you haven’t failed, but you learned. · Stop seeking approval – when you prioritize approval over learning then you are compromising your growth. It is true that you cannot please everybody. · Value the process over the end result – this is also awesome for parenting because if you are involved in any project and you are constantly worried about the end result. So basically, intelligent people enjoy the learning process itself and do not mind if they go beyond the expected timeframe. We might give goals to our self just like you must accomplish it in a month or so, and I have learned to embrace the process and challenge that’s where you will grow. · Cultivate a sense of purpose – people with a growth mindset have a greater sense of purpose keeping a bigger picture in mind. Just like me, I am fond of sharing my personal experiences in life to help women that do

Mindful Muslimah August 30, 2019

Meditation

5 Secrets to Working Out Consistently

Busy women hardly have time for themselves. There are good things about being young and working on your schooling or career. It’s even great to be a mother, but if you don’t take care of yourself it’s hard to feel your best or take care of other people for that matter. Even if you’re able to do it, you most likely won’t have a good mood or a positive mindset. If anybody told you it was going to be easy, they were wrong. We have to mindfully and intentionally make time for ourselves. I’ve spoken on my YouTube channel about shifting from meat to plant-based diet and covered detox and detox secrets. Working out is a critical part of being fit. Our body needs regular blood flow and oxygen to keep up healthy and at our best. Working out consistently leads to better mental clarity, better mood and better overall health. Check out my 5 secrets and my bonus tip at the end. Here are the five secrets to getting into gear: 1. You have to know your WHY This actually applies to anything in your life. Before you go, you have to know why you’re doing it, because if you don’t have a strong enough why, you just fall off on days when you’re not mentally and physically well and you just come up with a list of excuses. You’d eventually end up with the habit of, “I’ll do it the next day, the next day, and the next day.” In the end, you just fall off so much that you start telling yourself to just forget it and go all negative in that place. Knowing your why gets you grounded Let me share my why: my body is a gift and everything we’re given in our life is a gift from Allah. Yes, we appreciate things that Allah bestows us, but we don’t really appreciate if we don’t care for them properly. Not everybody has the gift of health. Personally, I don’t have any major problems. There should be NO reason I don’t take care of myself or not value the gift of a healthy body that Allah already gave me. It’s a promise I make to Allah to maintain it and try to keep it healthy –as a way of showing my appreciation. A fundamental why: I love my husband I love my husband so much that I don’t want him to have an ugly wife to look at. Let’s be fair; men look at things all day long, at least when they come home they have something nice to look at. That said, all in all, I keep in mind that first and foremost, I do it for Allah. I also do it for myself because it also makes me feel good. Working together towards something positive in the here and afterlife My husband also works out for the same reason. We do it for each other. This is our commitment and promise toward one another where we workout together as a partner. This also helps us spend time with each other every day. Having each other as workout buddies helps us in keeping focused. 2. Stay realistic Don’t compare yourself to other people in how fast they lose weight. First of all, men generally lose weight so much faster than women do. I see this especially since I’m working out with my husband and he’s just shedding pounds. It’s just the way they’re physically made. It has nothing to do with superiority. Naturally as women, the fat that we have is different. We have extra in certain parts of our body for curves, for childbearing, and nurturing. At times, muffin tops happens because we’ve had children: I have 4 children and 5 that I raise. The point is, once you start having that many kids, if you don’t do crunches or other types of workout, it’s not a pretty sight. You have to stay in shape in order to feel like your best self. One at a time Another reason to stay realistic is that if you set impossible goals, you won’t be able to reach them. If you set your goals too high, they never happen, you get crushed and fall off the wagon like a weak end. Keep your personal goals realistic and not set them too high so that you don’t get discouraged. Do one body part at a time, slowly and surely. 3. Schedule actual time in your day and do it every day on the same time. Allow yourself some slack where there’d be a day or 2 that you may not be able to work out, but workout every single day like how you set your alarm and wake up every day. If you’re not consistent that way, you’ll easily convince yourself to do it another day and then another day, and so forth. It’s more effective when you put it in on your calendar from the beginning. 4. Prepare your stuff from the night before. I cannot tell you how many times I hadn’t gone to the gym because of something really silly, like I couldn’t find a pair of socks, or I couldn’t remember where I put my keys. What I do now is I put everything out. When I do, there’s actually no reason why I can’t workout. 5. Change your diet. You can work out as much as you want, but I can’t tell you enough that if you don’t change your diet, you won’t see the same results, or sometimes any results at all. What you eat is essentially more important than working out because of the way your body functions and in the way your system runs. If you’re not mindful with your eating lifestyle and think you’re just going to work out and see results, it’s not going to work out well for you. Food habits can make or break you I’m not going to go deeper into diet this time, but I’ll just share one

Mindful Muslimah June 19, 2019

Meditation

Success Series: The First Step to Achieve Ultimate Focus, Productivity and Success

I’ve tried in the past and just can’t do it Let us begin at the true beginning. A lot of us have lofty goals and we wish to go to the next level of ourselves. But we find time after time that as the weeks, months, and years passed, we actually haven’t been able to get to where we want to be. Why is that? Before we talk about the nitty gritty details of how to achieve success, it’s important that we define it first. Defining important things clearly is something that we often overlook and yet it is so critical. Defining love or success, for example, is something we have to think about first before even beginning our pursuit. What does success mean? Defining Success 1. Base it on Core Beliefs Success might mean something different to different people. And for Muslims, you might refer to our books in terms of our obligations. And if you’re not Muslim, you might have your own core beliefs. And that’s also something you might refer back to in terms of what you want to stay true to. Our definition should help give us a sense of where we want to end up, what we value most in our lives, and the things we don’t want to compromise in that journey for success. 2) Personal Passion Besides the basic things that drive us in terms of obligations, we also have personal passions. These are things that excite us, things that we want to excel in, and things that we have to ask ourselves “Do they fall in line with our core beliefs? And, how do we achieve them without compromising those beliefs?” A Life Lesson: If you Don’t Define Things I know of some marriages that have ended up badly when couples didn’t define things. It literally was their ruin. I wonder how things could have evolved differently had they took the time to determine if they were even speaking the same language to begin with. One of my relatives who was going through a bad break up and almost lost their marriage. They said, “…oh he doesn’t love me, oh she doesn’t love me” and they constantly felt like the other person was shorting them for what they do. So I had asked them this question, “Did you ever define what you meant by love?” And, they said they kind of know what love is. But I asked again, “Did you actually sit down and say ‘I feel that you love me when you do this. Or, this is what I think love means to me.’ Did you actually have a conversation?” Oftentimes, It’s Not What You Think It Is I suggested to them to go back and try to have that conversation for a minute. It might be eye opening. And it was! One person was saying, “I love you and it makes me think that you love me, too, when you remember to call me, or ask me if I ate, or ask me if I’m feeling well today.” So for this person, they have very specific checkboxes of what they thought it meant for someone to love them and to show their love. Meantime, the spouse goes, “Whoah! That is not at all what I thought.” Success could be different things to different people That whole experience, and that conversation, opened up the idea that if we don’t define things right away, it’s really hard to go forward in success. The situation requires us to sit down and ask ourselves, what does success mean? Elements of Success 1) Success means fulfilling my obligations We are on this earth to worship Allah, and to fulfil our haqq (or right) because on the day of judgment, we will be asked about if we fulfilled other people’s haqq and ours. For instance, am I giving my children their rights? Am I giving my husband, my neighbor, my sister, or my mom theirs? So success to me means being able to fulfil the obligations laid upon me. 2) Passions of the self We also need to think about whether or not we’re making strides in the things we’re passionate about. So for example you’re an artist and you want to take that into a career level, you might want to say, “To me success means in 5 years, I’ve done XYZ in that field. It’s the same thing if you’re a photographer, an accountant or whatever it is that you personally feel excited about. Your passion is your contribution to the world. Write it Down I would actually sit and literally write this down in a journal. It’s different when you just think of it for a few seconds in your mind and when you think of it in your journal. Totally different. Take the time to not skip this step. In a journal, define these two things: 1) What are my core beliefs? What is so important to me that I don’t want to compromise? Consider your belief system, the way you were raised and what you hold to be true. Write them down so that they can be realized on paper. 2) How do I define success? Again, when we talk about success, for everyone it might be different things so I cannot tell you my generic definition of success. That wouldn’t be fair. Success just needs to be defined by you. If you don’t actually sit down and define what that means, you might circle along your plan or path and find that you end up in a very different place than you initially thought you might go. The Upcoming ‘Success’ Topics: What’s Next? Now that we have defined success, we can begin to focus on how we can begin to reach our life goals and build a better version of our self.

Mindful Muslimah June 9, 2019

Meditation

What is Happening in My Body While I’m Fasting?

The multiple benefits of one command With Ramadan, we talk about its mental, emotional, and spiritual benefits. It’s interesting to take a closer look at the wisdom behind what Allah prescribes for us to do. One of the beautiful things I found when I was learning about the Islam and Qur’an is that Allah would prescribe something which has one obvious benefit. Not stealing is an example and it’s obvious why we shouldn’t steal. But sometimes there are hidden benefits in that particular thing. It is always amazing to me how one command that Allah SWA has given us actually has multiple benefits in various areas of our life –and fasting is one of those things. Fasting as Cleansing This information was shared with me years prior. It truly inspired me to fast with greater conviction as it helped me to better understand what my body goes through at the time of fasting. It’s something I’d like to share with you in hopes that in doing so, fasting might become a bit easier and you could draw closer to Allah SWA and his divine plan for us all. As we go through Ramadan, our body is cleaning itself the same way we’re trying to focus on cleansing our heart and uplifting our character. It’s a holistic cleansing that includes the internal aspects as well as our physical body. Let’s look at the amazing process that our body goes through. 3 Phases of Fasting Phase 1 In the first one to three days of fasting our blood sugar and blood pressure drop, which is why we feel extreme fatigue. With these symptoms, the body is just about to start the cleansing process. Typically, we have headaches and brain fog because of the shift of the body to this cleansing mode. We experience an inability to focus because there are chemical changes in the body. We also feel intense hunger at this stage because the body is transitioning into a different type of process. Phase 2 In the second phase, our body is more accustomed to the fasting schedule by now because we’ve been doing this for the past few days. We follow the same body clock for when to eat and when not to. In this stage, the digestive system is finally able to rest. This means that it’s now focusing its energy on cleansing and the white blood cells have become more active which aids the healing. The internal organs also start the repair process. The metaphor of healing crisis In fasting, we go through the challenging process of fasting to be able to reap the benefits that go beyond our physical benefit. It’s like a metaphor for other things in our life. As we strive to become better Muslims, there might be some things that are difficult for you to give up during the first couple of days –whatever it may be. But when you consistently do it, you get the benefits. With fasting, we’re getting physical healing and hopefully we’re getting spiritual renewal as well. Phase 3 In this stage, we have higher energy levels because the body had mostly gone through the cleansing process. We’re past the days of hardship and our body is stabilizing. It is really benefiting from the work we’ve been doing in terms of fasting. The effect We will find that the mind is clearer and there’s an overall better wellness. But I must say that if you’ve been eating sweets and fried foods, you’re not going to have the same level of wellness as those who are more mindful of their intake. Yes, you’d still get the benefits of cleansing, but it’s counter intuitive and counterproductive if we put stuff in our body that’s toxic or unhealthy. Be mindful of what you eat If you haven’t already, try to shift away from high sugar and high processed foods. Take healthier ones like fruits and veggies instead. If that’s not something you look forward to at the end of your fast, try something more savory and exciting that are also healthy. Doing this will aid your body in the cleansing processes as the healing becomes more efficient and the body is finishing the repair of those damaged cells. In this stage, the kidney, liver, colon, lungs and skin are detoxifying as well. Multiple benefits It’s amazing how our body goes through this cleansing when we fast. Allah calls us to be closer to Him through the detoxification of our bad ways and harmful practices; and so the entire body is going through healing. When Allah calls us to do something, there’s not only one benefit. There are multiple benefits. If you wake up the next morning and think about how difficult it is to fast another day, just think about the beautiful healing in your body and how much you’re benefiting –especially health wise. Allah cares for you Allah is taking care of us by thinking about how our body needs to rest, reprogram, and clean itself so that it can have optimum health for the years to come. Think about why we’re fasting and the beautiful things that are happening inside our body that are beneficial to us. Allah calls us to have patience. He knows that life has many challenges and that fasting can help us better get master self-control, a skill that can help us in so many areas of our life. If we can endure and have beautiful patience, we will have beautiful rewards–not only in the present life but also in the afterlife. Happy fasting everyone. Do check out our Youtube channel and Mindful Muslimah Speaks Podcast for more information and inspiration.

Mindful Muslimah May 31, 2019

Meditation

Family: How to Handle “The Holidays”

A Guide on How to Engage with Friends and Family Who Aren’t Muslim Are you struggling with how to handle the holidays? You are certainly not alone. Not everyone may know that I wasn’t always Muslim. Well, of course, we are born that way, but I sure wasn’t raised to be. I didn’t even know what a Muslim was until I was nineteen years old. Yes…where I lived I never saw a Muslim or heard of one. This was pre-9/11, so Muslims weren’t spoken of or seen where I lived at the time. If anyone knows how hard it is to manage emotions and relationships with family and friends who are not Muslim, it’s me. It’s been a life journey. I think the hardest time seems to be November to January, when all of the winter holidays pop up, and when we are invited to parties and events of those we are closest to. Some of the holidays are even nostalgic for us, so we feel torn. We have these childhood feelings and memories, and yet a new way of living and a new perspective. The transition can feel painful and lonely at times. Balancing our beliefs with our emotions and relationships can be hard. Many women have confided in me, even cried on my shoulder, about how they are struggling with friends and family who “just don’t understand.” How bad can it get? When I say I can relate, I really mean it. How much do I mean it? At the beginning and half way through I have had family and friends tell me I’m a traitor, not a good daughter, not a good sister, not a good friend and even had my family attempt to have my children legally taken from me, all because of my Islamic beliefs. Yes, it even went to the legal level. It was really hard…really hard. You see when people don’t understand something they tend to fear it. What makes it worse is when the news and the internet only add fuel to the fire highlighting negative images and stories about Muslims. It’s hard not to take things personally. Often, they just love us and want the best for us. They are afraid for us and our new-found faith. They make harsh comments and judgments that they don’t think are harsh and can make us feel like we are doing something wrong just by having our own opinion about how we see God and faith. Does it get better? Even though I have been through all that I have, I’m so grateful that I did. I’m grateful that I was tested and I’m grateful that I refused to compromise my beliefs while still be kind to those who didn’t agree with me. It taught me so much, it built my character and better yet, it strengthened the relationships I now have with those same people. Yes, we are all still friends and family and now have an even stronger relationship where everyone’s beliefs are respected and preserved. I hit the light at the end of the end of the tunnel, and Allah SWA has rewarded me with the peace I have been seeking with the people that I love. How to Cope? I have a couple of tips that I will share here but encourage all of you to look out for my e-book on managing relationships with families who don’t share the same faith. I will be sharing soon. It will have a great more deal of information and in-depth advice on how to navigate relationships and turmoil with family and friends who may not share the same religion as you do. In the meantime, Don’t over compromise your beliefs. Don’t feel guilty that you are Muslim or love Islam. Know things will get better. Know hardships are only for a time. Need more specific support? See these suggestions: Be proud of your belief enough to be yourself ALL OF THE TIME, not just depending on who you are with This can be one of the toughest ones, but I’m starting with it first. Why? Because if you can master this one you can pretty much master them all. Your biggest struggle isn’t them, it’s you. I learned this late in the game. Life would have been soooo much easier had I realized much earlier. When you aren’t like everyone else it is easy to feel awkward, like something is wrong with you. Like maybe they are right you should take your hijab off or just drink a little. Why am I struggling when I could just do whatever I want? Wrong… don’t even start going there. That will lead you to places you don’t want to end up, I promise. I have tons of horror stories that I could share about other sisters who went that route, only to lose more than Islam, they lost themselves. Be proud of your belief. If you aren’t proud maybe it is because you haven’t truly learned about or begun to realize how beautiful Islam is. Maybe you have only been around Muslims who don’t really practice. That’s ok. Our beliefs don’t begin and end with how well others practice. If we haven’t learned, we can always begin searching. It’s never too late to start. Where is the first place to go for answers on learning more about Islam? * In sujood (in prostration on the ground). Really? Not Google? I was thinking Sheikh Google for sure. No, and here’s why. When you are in sujood the believer is closest to his Lord. Who wouldn’t want that? There are some things that only Allah SWA can solve for us. We say we trust Him, but we look for answers on the internet and in our friends first and Him last. Subhanallah, let’s better trust the one who created us. He knows what we need and how to fix us. Once you are in sujood, beg for guidance and answers sincerely. After that,

Mindful Muslimah December 19, 2018

Meditation

Journaling: Eliminating Negative Feelings

If you are struggling with intense feelings of depression or anxiety that are ruining your life, I have news for you. They aren’t just ruining your life, they are probably making difficult the lives of those around you as well. You deserve better, they deserve better. It doesn’t have to be that way. Many of us are struggling with our emotions. We don’t like to admit it. We don’t want to look or feel out of control. However, secretly, many women are experiencing continuous swells of stress, depression, frustration and anxiety that they can’t seem to get a grip on. It’s ruining us and those we love. We desperately want to feel happy but instead we feel sad, depressed or even angry. We try everything to stop it, but nothing seems to work. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Every woman goes through these feelings. You aren’t bad because you have them. You are great. But what makes you even greater is if you can have a handle on them in a way where you don’t let your emotions consume you and make you someone you’re not. But how? Many women feel they have tried many things and they just don’t work for them. I would argue you may have tried, but you didn’t understand that you were secretly sabotaging your chances of improvement unknowingly. You see the mind is directly related to our emotions. What we think and what we say to ourselves REALLY matters. The issue is that many of us have a constant “internal dialogue” that we are not paying attention to. We are doing it unconsciously, but it is very poisonous. We tell ourselves ALL kinds of things without realizing it: “I’m fat.” “I’m tired.” “Things are never going to change.” “I just can’t do it.” “I can’t take it anymore.” When any person hears the same thing, over and over again, they start to believe it, and it basically becomes their reality. For example, what if you were a child and every day a parent or trusted friend told you, “You’re stupid.” Imagine if all day every day you heard these hurtful and depressing words.What if every day you told yourself horrible things? How would your outlook on life be then? How would you wake up feeling each day? Do you think that eventually it might hurt the way you think and feel about yourself? It sure would. We are human after all. We don’t need anyone to beat us up. We are doing to ourselves unconsciously. The Mind is a Powerful Tool When I realized that the mind is a powerful tool and that what I think and allow myself to believe has a profound effect on my life, I started to “pay attention.” I chose to become more aware. I did it by simply starting to listen to my own internal dialogue. I would sit in my bed in the morning and begin to talk to myself in my head about the day as usual. I would consider what I had to do and then stopped and thought about what I said about it. Now, I’m not crazy, we all do this. Just not everyone is paying attention to it. I have to say, when I actually listened to what I was saying, I was shocked at what I heard. Once I understood how harmful I was being, I knew that I really needed to understand why I was saying these things and how my mind worked. After years of reading, trial, error, and prayer, I came to a conclusion. What I found is that what we repeatedly program ourselves to think and feel based on our “internal dialogue.” It had a more significant impact on my emotions than I had realized. I knew then that left unchecked, I could spiral out of control and into severe anxiety and depression. The amazing thing is that the way the mind is designed is that it cannot feel two strong emotions at the same time. Think about it. When is the last time that you were super excited and depressed at the same time? I will be almost never. It can’t be VERY SAD and VERY HAPPY at the same time. If you can push one emotion out, then there is space for another one. How can I stop feeling depressed or anxious? I became more and more interested in what I could do about putting more positive dialogue and mindset in my life. I found that if we can change what we say to ourselves, then we can change how we feel. This sounded great to me…but I didn’t know what to actually do on a daily basis to set it into motion. How can I prevent or stop my negative feelings? I searched and prayed for some time. Twenty years and five kids later I have discovered and put into practice what I am about to share with you, insh’Allah. Please, don’t dismiss how simple the answer is. The answer might sound simple, but what it does for us internally isn’t. It’s quite complicated and has a profound effect if used regularly. My suggestion to you is what helped me and is still healing me each day. What is the answer? Journaling. Maybe you were expecting me to say deep prayer? Yes, by all means, keep doing that. But… I’m speaking beyond that. How do we function with the distracting feelings we may be struggling with? This journaling is not just any kind of journaling. It’s journaling on four specific topics. It’s a process that frees your mind from your original internal dialogue and redirects it to a more positive one with each step. When? I have no time? Journal for 5 minutes in the morning. Don’t say you don’t have time. Make time. Your sanity, wellbeing and that of those you care for is worth it. I know that now. I just do it

Mindful Muslimah October 13, 2018