If you are struggling with intense feelings of depression or anxiety that are ruining your life, I have news for you. They aren’t just ruining your life, they are probably making difficult the lives of those around you as well. You deserve better, they deserve better. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Many of us are struggling with our emotions. We don’t like to admit it. We don’t want to look or feel out of control. However, secretly, many women are experiencing continuous swells of stress, depression, frustration and anxiety that they can’t seem to get a grip on. It’s ruining us and those we love. We desperately want to feel happy but instead we feel sad, depressed or even angry. We try everything to stop it, but nothing seems to work.
Sound familiar?
You’re not alone.
Every woman goes through these feelings. You aren’t bad because you have them. You are great. But what makes you even greater is if you can have a handle on them in a way where you don’t let your emotions consume you and make you someone you’re not. But how?
Many women feel they have tried many things and they just don’t work for them. I would argue you may have tried, but you didn’t understand that you were secretly sabotaging your chances of improvement unknowingly.
You see the mind is directly related to our emotions. What we think and what we say to ourselves REALLY matters. The issue is that many of us have a constant “internal dialogue” that we are not paying attention to. We are doing it unconsciously, but it is very poisonous.
We tell ourselves ALL kinds of things without realizing it:
- “I’m fat.”
- “I’m tired.”
- “Things are never going to change.”
- “I just can’t do it.”
- “I can’t take it anymore.”
When any person hears the same thing, over and over again, they start to believe it, and it basically becomes their reality. For example, what if you were a child and every day a parent or trusted friend told you, “You’re stupid.”
Imagine if all day every day you heard these hurtful and depressing words.What if every day you told yourself horrible things? How would your outlook on life be then? How would you wake up feeling each day?
Do you think that eventually it might hurt the way you think and feel about yourself?
It sure would. We are human after all.
We don’t need anyone to beat us up. We are doing to ourselves unconsciously.
The Mind is a Powerful Tool
When I realized that the mind is a powerful tool and that what I think and allow myself to believe has a profound effect on my life, I started to “pay attention.” I chose to become more aware.
I did it by simply starting to listen to my own internal dialogue. I would sit in my bed in the morning and begin to talk to myself in my head about the day as usual. I would consider what I had to do and then stopped and thought about what I said about it. Now, I’m not crazy, we all do this. Just not everyone is paying attention to it. I have to say, when I actually listened to what I was saying, I was shocked at what I heard.
Once I understood how harmful I was being, I knew that I really needed to understand why I was saying these things and how my mind worked. After years of reading, trial, error, and prayer, I came to a conclusion.
What I found is that what we repeatedly program ourselves to think and feel based on our “internal dialogue.” It had a more significant impact on my emotions than I had realized. I knew then that left unchecked, I could spiral out of control and into severe anxiety and depression.
The amazing thing is that the way the mind is designed is that it cannot feel two strong emotions at the same time. Think about it.
When is the last time that you were super excited and depressed at the same time? I will be almost never. It can’t be VERY SAD and VERY HAPPY at the same time. If you can push one emotion out, then there is space for another one.
How can I stop feeling depressed or anxious?
I became more and more interested in what I could do about putting more positive dialogue and mindset in my life. I found that if we can change what we say to ourselves, then we can change how we feel. This sounded great to me…but I didn’t know what to actually do on a daily basis to set it into motion.
How can I prevent or stop my negative feelings?
I searched and prayed for some time. Twenty years and five kids later I have discovered and put into practice what I am about to share with you, insh’Allah.
Please, don’t dismiss how simple the answer is. The answer might sound simple, but what it does for us internally isn’t. It’s quite complicated and has a profound effect if used regularly.
My suggestion to you is what helped me and is still healing me each day.
What is the answer?
Journaling.
Maybe you were expecting me to say deep prayer? Yes, by all means, keep doing that.
But… I’m speaking beyond that. How do we function with the distracting feelings we may be struggling with? This journaling is not just any kind of journaling. It’s journaling on four specific topics. It’s a process that frees your mind from your original internal dialogue and redirects it to a more positive one with each step.
When? I have no time?
Journal for 5 minutes in the morning. Don’t say you don’t have time. Make time. Your sanity, wellbeing and that of those you care for is worth it. I know that now. I just do it before my kids wake up.
What do I need?
Simply buy a cute notebook , have an open mind and a belief that things can get better. Then, just start. You deserve to feel better. You will be amazed at how quickly it can help.
Here’s how you can journal and what it does for you:
STEP ONE
Release I feel…
Write about how you feel right now and why you feel that way. Let it all out.
(This part helps us to free what is in our chest and what is really getting to us. Writing it out gives it a place to live. It can leave your chest, live on the pages of your journal and make space for better emotions to come in as you aren’t cluttered with negative ones. For me, it feels like I just told a friend what I’m struggling with and feel heard. I feel I can then move on.)
STEP TWO
Pivot to the Positive I’m grateful for…
Write about what you are grateful for. Where you talk about what IS going well in your life. There is always something. Now is the time to acknowledge it.
(Most likely, step one was filled with negative complaints and feelings. This space is where you will write about all the good you DO have in your life. And there is good. Be honest and acknowledge it. Be it your health, or your beautiful children or your faith. Whatever it is say it here.)
STEP THREE
Affirmation I am…
Write about what you want. But write it as if you are it already.
(This is where you take your positive thinking to the next level. Tell yourself you ARE whatever you want in your life and feel you aren’t’ just yet. You ARE strong, you ARE happy, you ARE organized. Whatever it is. Instead of telling yourself, tell yourself you can.)
STEP FOUR
Visualize I see…
Don’t skip this step. It’s compelling. Write about what you see yourself doing when you ARE the things you wrote above.
For example:
If you wrote that you are happy. Write about seeing yourself happy. What does it look like? Where are you? Who are you with and what are they doing?
(When you visualize it you can see what it would look like to have those things in your life. You are almost tricking your mind into believing they already exist and shifting to a more positive place where they have more of a chance of happening).
Summary
We may feel like we DON’T have control over our emotions, but we DO, or we CAN if we want to. We just have to know how the mind works. Once we realize that we can program the way it thinks we can change the way we think and in turn how we feel. When we can get a grip on that, it will change everything for us. We will feel more motivated, our relationships with others will take a turn for the better, and we will put ourselves in a place where we will have more benefit to society as a whole.
Just try it consistently for one week at the least. What have you got to lose?
I would say only negative emotions.
