I don’t know one Muslim parent who doesn’t want their child to love Allah SWA. The question is, how do we actually get them to do it.
Whether you are a Muslim or a non-Muslims (be it a Christian, Jew, Hindu or any other faith-based practice), every parent tends to want their child to believe what they believe and to do it in the best way possible.
Before I dive into the “how to” of it all I think it is important to keep these two things in mind:
· Good things take time and there is no fix – people have to understand that you must do things well and consistently. This is perfect for people that have children already but is also applicable for childless people because you do not want to be in an awkward situation if you have kids already. If you do not have kids as of yet, then bravo, I wish I was once in your shoes and getting this information before I made all of the mistakes that I once made! Believe me, having this information well ahead of your time will prove to be truly beneficial.
Consistency will be the key if you want to get far in parenting. This is a constant problem most parents have because we have lots of stuff going on with our lives. It is sincerely hard to be consistent. Also, even with religions, you can have issues on how to implement what’s written in the Quran or etc. In fact, the primary reasons why parents keep on struggling because they are not equipped with the tools to make the right quick decisions on parenting while keeping up with their busy schedules and they’re usually struggling with consistency.
· Parenting is NOT about how we can “fix” issues with our child (The Us and Them Factor) – I hear parents say for example “My teenage daughter has a bad mouth; can you give me advice on how to get her to listen?” It is not simple. Let’s look at what we really need to do.
“The Us and Them Factor”
Today, I wish to introduce you to something I like to call “The Us and Them Factor”. You see, in order to teach our children how they can love Allah and be good Muslims, it involves us putting some things in place first.
1. Do You Really Love Allah SWA (not just in name)?
To be even more clear about “us” and “them”, the “us” part entails that if you want your child to love Allah, then you have to love Allah first. Now, it is not enough to say that you just love Allah, but you must keep on modeling it on your every day, as your kids are watching you at your best and worst times of the day. That is why they must see that you love Allah in all aspects.
What does it look like?
2. Do You Follow the Sunnah?
It looks like following Sunnah, as what is written in the Qur’an. I would like you to think about how much a person you love tends to be on your mind. Think about a person that you love dearly. Let’s pretend that they are at the other side of the world and you really missed them. You will think of them often no? You will love to please them and make them happy because you want to be with them and to feel their love close to you. You will desire to talk to them often.
What does talking to Allah look like right?
Our calling out to Allah SWA in dua and salat attest to our love and missing of Him. If you reflect on how much time you spend on these things and how excited you are to do them, then they will show you how much you truly love Allah SWA.
3. Are You Modeling the Change You Wish to See?
What we do matters just as much, if not more so, than what we say. If you really love someone then you are good with them and that means in terms of Islam when you love Allah SWA you will not displease Allah SWA. It just like when you love your husband, you will always put your best foot forward,it is the same thing with Allah. You must really get rid of the things that destroy your good standing. Things like cursing, no patience, and such as watching inappropriate movies on Netflix. These things can actually also be seen by our children which may guide them in ways contrary to our belief system. They are watching.
If you don’t want your children to do something, don’t do it yourself. If you want them to start doing it, ask yourself if you do it, and if you don’t then start.
4. Are You the Best Example of How to Respond Under Stress?
If you really love them, then even if bad things happen to your life you must still have a composure. Just remind yourself that the situation was gifted to you by Allah SWA. Tell yourself that it “was meant for me and I can handle it”, so that your kids could mimic your personality and way of managing hard times.
5. Do Your Children Have the Opportunity to See Your Worship?
Even if I pray in silence, I sometimes tend to purposely show them that I am praying. It is not because that I am a show off, but I want them to imitate what I am doing. Just like when I am reading the Qur’an, I read it alone when they are still asleep, but I also take it out intentionally when they are around, so that they can see me reading it.
Think of people that inspire you and act as a model in your life so if your kids think that you are a model to them then it will do a lot of good things in the end as they grow up.
6. Do You Deeply Conversate and Engage in Role Play with Your Kids?
This is my favorite thing to do. As a matter of fact, I suggest this to parents all of the time and they are shocked at how well it works.
Purposeful Conversation
Whenever I receive something, I always tell them that it is from Allah. I thank Allah SWA out loud and model the behavior I wish for them to see. This helps increase their love for Allah SWA and their own gratitude that constitutes higher eeman.
Why is this so effective?
The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him), taught us that when two people have distance or ill feeling toward one another, and you want the other person to soften particularly their heart, then what you’ll need to do is to give that person a gift. You see, receiving a gift from someone we don’t even know, don’t engage with much or don’t really like makes us like them more for some reason.
Pointing out what is right
I use the psychology of gift giving to soften their hearts to Allah SWA. I constantly point out that He is giving us gifts and it makes Him more appealing and likable. It is also just pointing out the truth, no matter how obvious. But often, as the Qur’an says, “men are often forgetful and ungrateful”.
What are some things that we can point out that Allah SWA gives us?
o Groceries
o Clean water
o Clothes
o Our home
o Our car
These are gifts from Allah that He gave us. There are people that do not have any access to those kinds of basic needs. When I am supposed to drive, and my kids are with me I tell them to thank Allah for a wonderful car that we have.
For example, my kids are eating some delicious mangoes then they are completely awed by it then I will immediately say,
“Do you know who gave us those delicious mangoes? It’s Allah!”
I have been saying that to my kids since they were born even if we are just going to the park I will suddenly say “Thank Allah for this wonderful park!”
You might think that I may sound silly, but you must role play with your children because you must make a point to point out our gifts. Gratitude will not come just naturally. This is a quality that our Quran is actually built on in that we constantly thank Allah SWA for all that He has given us.
I have tons of deep conversations with my kids about TONS of things!
Pointing out what is wrong
I usually tell them what’s WRONG for example, there are group of kid Muslims that are not the best ones in terms of attitude and beliefs as you can see those kids being laud and vulgar then I point it out to my child that those are wrong but obviously I do not do it in front of those bad kids because I do not want to embarrass them that’s why I talk to my child silently.
I honestly feel so bad for those kids, they are still brothers in Islam. However, I do need to explain to my kids that what they are doing is wrong as it is often confusing to them. Seeing another Muslim do something impermissible challenges their ideals of right and wrong and often leaves them confused.
I ask them,
“Do you want to be one of those people that will get punished because of those bad acts? Allah is so good to us. He gives us so many things and helps us so much. Wouldn’t you feel bad to hurt and disappoint him?”
Then, they will usually tell me that they must be punished. Then I will answer,
“No, it is not our responsibility to judge them. Only Allah SWA can do such a thing. They are still brothers in Islam, and we wish them well.”
Although I am pointing out the bad that they are doing, I am not telling them to dislike them as people, they are still Muslims. I am also not encouraging them to be judgmental.
I also would like to emphasize that as adults we must keep even our adult conversations to ourselves and outside of the scope of our children. In short, we must be mindful of what we are saying in front of our kids. Instead, watch what we are saying to our kids and encourage them to pray for other people. If there are non-Muslims that are doing things that are against our religion, then I explain to them that because they are non-Muslims, they have a different way of life. It is their way and not our way. I tell them that we must respect them, and they must respect us because we have different lifestyles. It is that simple.
Role Playing
My children and I have so much fun together with this one. It often starts with me noticing something wrong that they did. Instead of making it an opportunity to punish them, mock them or scold them in front of others (all not usually helpful in growing their understanding of our religion and their love of Allah SWA, or the way of gentle parenting by the Sunnah), I instead tell them what they did wrong.
I then say, let’s role play how that looked this time and how it could look even better next time, insh’Allah. I then say, “Look at mommy!” then I will start the role-playing and explain to them thoroughly the wrong way of doing it and the right way of doing it and it actually works.
The overall strategy is open up conversation between the parent and the child and to look for constant opportunities to help our children increase their love for Allah SWA. There are so many chances each day that we are allowing to pass us by.
You can hear my podcast on this topic here.
